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• A Bust for Every Body : SCENE TWO , SCENE NINETEEN

A Bust for Every Body, translated by Gwynneth Dowling

SCENE TWO

Context:

In this excerpt Cristina 2 is outraged with her friend Cristina 1. She has found out that Cristina 1 discussed her private life with her university class, publically revealing that Cristina 2 is thinking of having her breasts enlarged.

Sample text

In Cristina 1’s house.

CRISTINA 2:

What were you thinking? What were you thinking? Right in the middle of your lecture! You’ve breached my privacy. It’s completely unacceptable!

CRISTINA 1:

I haven’t done anything wrong. I was just using it as an example. I couldn’t think of anything else.

CRISTINA 2:

Does it seem like normal behaviour to you?

CRISTINA 1:

It doesn’t seem normal to me that at this point in the course no one knows who Foucault is.

CRISTINA 2:

Well, I’m thinking of telling my listeners that you made your ex get hair implants. And that you moisturise with almond milk and use it on your stretch marks.

CRISTINA 1:

I’m sorry you’re upset. I didn’t know it was a secret.

CRISTINA 2:

I still haven’t decided.

CRISTINA 1:

But why?

CRISTINA 2:

But why what?

CRISTINA 1:

Why go down that road?

CRISTINA 2:

Because.

CRISTINA 1:

Because?

CRISTINA 2:

Why not?

CRISTINA 1:

This is ‘cause of the job, isn’t it?

CRISTINA 2:

No it’s not.

CRISTINA 1:

Of course it is. You’ve been on the radio for years and you’ve never even thought of doing something this stupid. But now that a TV move is on the cards, things have changed. They’ve suggested it, haven’t they? I’m your friend. You can tell me. Don’t worry, I’ll understand. Eventually.

CRISTINA 2:

No one suggested it. I thought it up myself.

CRISTINA 1:

I don’t believe you.

CRISTINA 2:

I’ve been thinking about it for months.

CRISTINA 1:

Months? And I’m just finding out now because of the TV?

CRISTINA 2:

They’ve mentioned it on TV?

CRISTINA 1:

I’m talking about your show.

CRISTINA 2:

The show is not what’s important here. What’s important is my self-esteem.

CRISTINA 1:

You need help.

Copyright

The above sample taken from the translation A Bust for Every Body by Gwynneth Dowling is licensed under a Creative Commons License.

SCENE NINETEEN

Context:

By this late point in the play Cristina 3 has had an operation to get her breasts reduced. Cristina 2 has wavered over having her operation and eventually only had one of her breasts enlarged – leaving her lopsided! In order to convince Cristina 2 to get the other breast enlarged, Cristina 1 has pretended to have a breast enlargement herself. In fact, she is only wearing bra fillers.

Sample text

CRISTINA 1:

I did this to show you it doesn’t matter what size you are. I don’t care whether it’s 32A, 36B or 38FF. It’s all the same in the end. Honestly, this doesn’t change anything for me.

CRISTINA 2:

You’re actually really pleased with yourself. Ever since they removed that bandage you’ve been showing those things off at every opportunity. And now you’re both practically dragging me here to get my other one done.

CRISTINA 1:

Come on, they’re waiting for you.

She leaves for a few moments.

CRISTINA 3:

Mum, don’t you think you should tell Cristina the truth? I’m talking about your … She thinks you really did have surgery.

CRISTINA 1:

She’s so gullible. But if I didn’t wear these fillers she’d stay like that, like something Picasso painted. She’s that scared of getting it done.

CRISTINA 1:

I don’t really know what to tell you. I’ve found that my students are paying me more attention, not to mention the Dean, my dentist, my editor, the editor of Philosophy Today, the editors of both Oxford and Cambridge University Press, Umberto Eco. And our doorman.

CRISTINA 2 returns. She is very upset.

CRISTINA 3:

What’s happened, Cristina?

CRISTINA 2:

There’ll be no operation today.

CRISTINA 1:

You’ve chickened out again.

CRISTINA 2:

No I haven’t. José María … José María’s no longer with us. They’ve just told me that his heart gave out. José María has died. Of old age.

Copyright

The above sample taken from the translation A Bust for Every Body by Gwynneth Dowling is licensed under a Creative Commons License.

Entry written by Gwynneth Dowling. Last updated on 13 November 2010.

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